The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
