If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Can you repeat that, but with context?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
