he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
