you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
