Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i barfeds in our rink
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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