Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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