theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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