Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Randomize
