If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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