So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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