i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
