for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
