the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
