i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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