I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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