soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
