Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
