I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just found puke in my bra..
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
