And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
