I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
