They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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