There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
