You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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