I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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