I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I have feelings that need drinking.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
