I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
