I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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