I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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