So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
