I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
