We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
