apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
