My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
