Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
