I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
