I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
