My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
