sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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