remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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