never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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