I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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