We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
