he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
