i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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