I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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