Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
