Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
