I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
