if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
