the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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