i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
